Family Adventures in Kentucky

From Cincinnati, we headed south to Corbin Kentucky. Mary and Teresa, our hostesses in Cincinnati, drove us to Lexington, where Dotti’s Uncle Bill and Mother picked us up. We decided to spend a few days with her Aunt Dot and invited her Mom, Marilu Johnson, up from Atlanta to join us. We enjoyed several days with them, visiting and driving throughout the countryside looking at the stunning fall leaves.

You may recall that Dot’s husband, Dotti’s Uncle John, passed away in June. We were unable to afford the flights, opting for a buddy pass from Dotti’s good friend from high school and college, Cindy Hall. Unfortunately, being on standby status was a risk we took, and there were no seats available. We told Aunt Dot we would visit later, and our visit to the east coast provided the opportunity, allowing us to celebrate her 88th birthday coming up on October 29. We showered her with yellow roses, a specially cooked meal, and a card about being a red hat lady. Yes, she recently joined the Red Hat group in Corbin.

Visiting the Kroger to buy groceries for the birthday meal, we were reminded how the journey continues. Becky, the grocery clerk, asked us about our logo on our jackets. She was excited to learn that we had recently completed our year long journey, and what it entailed. The following day when we were there again, she called greetings to us. We got in her line to check out and talked again. We asked her our main question, “Do you know a bisexual, transgender, gay or lesbian person?” She immediately replied, “Lots of my friends are gay.” We gasped! We are even in Corbin, Kentucky…we are everywhere! (: We told her we were in town to visit Uncle Bill and Aunt Dot.

While in Corbin, we shared pictures of our journey with Aunt Dot and Dotti’s mother, explaining the “who, where, when” of each one. Aunt Dot asks questions about our life, engaging us in conversation, and celebrating us. We thanked her for that.

Dotti: Mom being there to witness Aunt Dot’s interest in our lives felt good. Perhaps Aunt Dot’s celebration of us will serve as a bridge for her to someday celebrate us as well.

The night before we left, Dotti read the July 13 newsletter where we talked about Uncle John’s death and the impact his loving ways had on our family. Dotti then read all the wonderful email comments we received from some of you regarding his death. We could tell Aunt Dot was truly touched by the comments, and Dotti’s Mother also heard them as she sat in a nearby chair.

While in Corbin, we also convinced these two sisters to sit and talk about their lives growing up together, their marriages, and what legacy they hope to leave behind. They insisted that their words not be shared with anyone but family. Darn…what a great podcast that would have been! (:

Seriously, Dotti had the foresight to record a conversation with her Grandmother before she died, and she loves being able to play that tape anytime, and hear her Grandmother’s voice. Having that recording allowed her to share with Roby her Grandmother Woods, who died in 1991 at the age of 94. Without that tape, Dotti would simply be describing her Grandmother. Roby has had the privilege of experiencing Dotti’s Grandmother through hearing her voice and her own words about her life.

Dotti also did the interview in written form, and made copies of that and the tape for her family for Christmas that year. There is something special about capturing another’s voice for all time. As we sat around the kitchen table, laughing and sharing stories, it was authentic connection time for us with Aunt Dot and Marilu. We are going to do the same with Roby’s parents. We highly recommend that you consider doing this with your family. It is a gift that folks will never forget and one that keeps on giving every time you listen.

The night before we left Corbin, we received word of the historical decision by New Jersey’s courts. They “get it” about marriage equality inclusive of lesbians and gay. The words of New Jersey PFLAG Mom, Melinda Waldo, summarized the importance of the decision for family values in the following statement released by PFLAG National.

“As the mother of a gay son and a resident of New Jersey, I am deeply gratified by this decision to end discrimination in the rights and benefits of marriage against same-sex couples issued today in my home state.

This wise and compassionate decision by the Supreme Court of New Jersey removes a weight from families like mine which include a gay or lesbian loved one. Since our son came out to us in 1991, we have become more aware of the lack of protection for gay people in our society and the more we learned, the more our concern for our son grew. We came to realize that he and his partner need the support and affirmation of marriage as much as our three married daughters.

As someone who has been married for 46 years, the mother of four children and the grandmother of five, I wholeheartedly believe in family values. Marriage equality for gay and lesbian couples greatly benefits all of us who want to strengthen families and protect our children.

Beyond the important protections which marriage confers - hospital visitation, health coverage, pension benefits, survivor’s rights, just to name of few responsibilities of marriage - this decision recognizes the right of gay people to marry the person of their choice. Implicit in this ruling is the respect for the relationships of committed, loving gay couples that they deserve. This is what I and all parents want for our children. Equal rights. No more, no less. And now we look to the state legislature to affirm our right to total equality.”

We head west now, homeward bound! We are relaxing and writing in the home of our friends Cathy & Kelly Lloyd, overlooking a beautiful lake, in Knoxville, TN,(Dotti and Cathy were sorority sisters in college) before flying out for Seattle tomorrow, October 27. Both of us have colds (something we didn’t have during our entire year long journey), so we’re not at the top of our game, but nevertheless, we have had a lovely trip, and feel nourished by our time spent with old friends, new friends, and family.

When we arrive on Friday night, our friend, Judy Osborne, picks us up from the airport. We spend Saturday and Sunday at a couples’ conference at the Gottman Institute. We are “treating” ourselves and are excited about this opportunity to go deeper into authentic connection with one another. On Sunday, we will have dinner with Rev. Dr. Lisa Davison, who has been in Washington all week, speaking at the Religious Equality colloquies. Lisa officiated our wedding ceremony in July, 2004. Before she speaks in Everett on Monday, we will open the day by sharing our story regarding the inability to legally marry in Washington, and answering questions from participants.

We can’t wait to see Rylee Joy. This time on the road without her has been tough, but, thankfully, Lynn and John (our neighbors) who have Ruff (Rylee’s half brother), have taken good care of her. Roby’s Mom and Dad, Miriam and Bob, will pick her up on the 29th and keep her until we return on November 3. What would we do without friends and family?

There is never a dull moment in our lives, and we love it!

As much as we LOVE being on the road and LOVE to travel, after our year of adventure, we are really looking forward to being settled at home for awhile, gathering close to friends and family. The journey lives on, however, since it is a new opportunity we have each day to live with integrity, compassion, forgiveness and undefended love…engaging hearts and minds, creating authentic connections and dissolving differences that separate us. By doing just that, you, too, can change the world through the expression of YOUR love! Won’t you join us in committing to that same vow we spoke at our wedding, letting it inspire you to move forward in new ways, unattached to a specific outcome?

The Light in us honors the Light in you...
--Roby, Dotti... and Rylee Joy (from a distance)