We're getting married (legally) in Canada

We are going to legally marry in Canada! When? On Thanksgiving Day, November 23. Thanksgiving is our favorite holiday and a time to express our gratefulness and commitment to our relationship. WHY are we getting married AGAIN...and WHY in Canada? Yes, we have been married twice already. Click here to read our story.

We had orignally planned to marry legally in Canada on July 31, 2004, but Oregon opened up marriage equality for same gender couples, and we seized the moment on March 7, 2004. We then had our spiritual wedding ceremony (one half of the marriage equation). Unfortunately, Oregon voided our legal rights a year later when the Oregon constitution was changed. (our civil marriage in Oregon not give us any in our home state of Washington). We received a $60 refund check. We celebrated that we are still married, and went out to dinner (Roby made a copy of it for historical purposes, realizing that someday people will not believe this could have happened). We use the word "marriage" because we choose to do so. We find it amazing that couples don't use it if they have not had a "legal marriage," (as if they need permission), or quit using "marriage" if they have had a legal marriage that has been voided.

Because half of the marriage equation is not available to those of us in same gender relationships, it does not mean that we are not "married" when we have our spiritual marriage ceremony. Likewise, if someone has a spiritual marriage, but chooses not to have the legal license, it does not mean they are not married. It simply means they are not entitled to the legal rights and protections. In some states, however, the mere fact of living together (whether or not there has been a spiritual marriage) creates a legal marriage after a certain number of years. That we cannot participate in this way (with us living together creating a legal marriage or choosing to participate in the legal civil ceremony) is the crux of the discrimination.

In one of our newsletters in July, we speak about this more extensively.

We have had an unusual situation come up in our search for a marriage commissioner in Canada. Apparently, the United States does not hold a lock on discrimination in this area, but it was certainly surprising to experience with a Canadian marriage commissioner. Click here for the details.

Rylee Joy wasn't at our wedding at Semiahmoo Resort on July 31. When I officiated at the wedding of Rachel Reim and Tammy Ledbetter, Rylee Joy was in attendance as it was in the back yard of the home of Tammy's parents, Kathy & Robert Reim. Ironically, Kathy and Robert are going to be in Canada on Thanksgiving Day, and have agreed to be our two witnesses!

Rylee Joy was a little disappointed that she wasn't asked to be "flower girl" at Rachel and Tammy's wedding. Spending time with her friends, Lauren and Riley, "The Kids" who wrote the beautiful letters to us when we left on our journey, helped ease Rylee Joy's pain! Rylee Joy stayed with Lauren, Riley, Auntie Karen & Uncle Kirk Ghio while The Mama's were in the Northeast for three weeks. When Rylee came home, she was very sad, as she really missed the family and her girlfriend Phi Phi (also a black standard poodle), so she was ecstatic to see them at the wedding rehearsal! Click here to see this picture of Lauren and Rylee Joy!

Rylee Joy insists that she be a part of our marriage ceremony this time in Canada, since she also missed our legal ceremony in Oregon on March 7, 2004. We agree! She will finally be the flower girl!

On Friday, November 17, we will be on The Joe Teehan Show (6-7 p.m. PST). His show, called "The Liberal Outpost" show, is on KGMI 790 AM Radio in Bellingham, WA.

This is the second time we have been interviewed by Joe. We have also been previously interview on Brett & Debbie Show. Their show from 8-9 a.m. on KGMI combines a moderate (Brett) with a conservative (Debbie). We are equal opportunity! Debbie brought her King James version Bible, and at one point during our interview, exclaimed, "I don't know what Bible you are reading from." Before our journey, Gay Into Straight America, we met and engaged with people who don't necessarily agree with us. That's ok. The opportunity we had was to plant a seed, because "who we are" in our lives, as people of faith, presents a different picture to Debbie than who she probably thought we were. That's a good thing. Where Debbie's journey takes her cannot be controlled by either myself of Roby. All we can to is reach out, living out the intention of our wedding vow that emphasizes engaging with an open heart so that we can change the world through the expression of our love.

There is a great documentary called BE REAL that celebrates the rich diversity of gay life in America. On the Stoli BE REAL website, they say..

If you know that special someone whose life story embodies what BE REAL is all about, we encourage you to nominate them (or yourself) to be featured in our next BE REAL project.

Please click here and consider nominating Two Women & a Poodle, Dotti Berry, Robynne Sapp, and Rylee Joy (put Berry-Sapp as the last name since we are legally changing our name after we marry in Canada.) Your support simply means that we can keep getting the message out, encouraging people to STAND UP AND SPEAK OUT, daring to be the gift that we are to our world.

Rylee wrote Lesson #10 for her final one for our Gay Into Straight America journey Click here to read it! We are sooooo proud of her. In fact, she insists that the book about our journey be told from her eyes. Since we know that she was the most authentic connection with people on our journey, we agree with her. The title? Two Women & a Poodle...A year long journey of Life, Love & Authentic Connections with the world's best dog.

We did two podcasts this week...we will edit them and post by the end of the month. They were with Rev. Dr. Bill Stayton, the Executive Director of Religion and Sexuality in Philadelphia, PA. Formerly, Bill was the Department Chair for Human Sexuality at Widener University. His will be a two part podcast, talking in general about sexuality in Part I, in addition to him speaking about "What is a male? What is a female?" In the first part and second part, we also talk about the impact of the situation with Rev. Ted Haggard, former senior minister at New Life Church in Colorado Springs. In our last newsletter, we spoke about that situation as well, with links to various information. Click here to read. Bill also spoke in the second podcast about "Homosexuality and the Bible." The other podcast interview was with speaker and writer, Peggy Campolo. We also spoke about Ted Haggard and Mike Jones, the man who spoke out about the hypocrisy of Rev. Haggard in fighting the recent amendments against marriage equality and benefits for gays. As well, we discussed the variance in the views of her husband, evangelical speaker and author, Tony Campolo. All we need to LOTS OF TIME to now edit and post 8 different interviews. For the three interviews we have posted. click here to listen.

On Saturday, November 4, 2006, we gathered with both Kathy Kiefer and Nan Macy (our documentary filmmakers) for dinner at Nan's home. Sue Lenander, a friend of Nan's from Montanna, joined us, and later wrote after returning home:

"Reflecting on all the peace and wisdom I received on my trip, I thought of what a gift having dinner and a soulful conversation with you both was. The work you have been doing is work of true peacemakers. I also want to say that I went away from our dinner feeling very hopeful about lesbian relationships. Two women who love each other and are willing to "do what it takes" to make that relationship strong is a beautiful thing to see. Progress not perfection. Thanks so much for being vulnerable and sharing who you both are and sharing your adventures with me. Thank you for also giving me a safe place to be vulnerable and share my fears and hopes.

I'd go on the road with you if I could - YOU GIRLS and YOUR POODLE ROCK!!Helen Keller would be proud to know you both too!!! Keep looking for the magic!!"

Click here to see the "poodle ornament" she gave us at dinner. Don't miss the tag and what it says! This poodle is now hanging on a lighted tree that stays us in our bedroom all year long. We have special ornaments on it. It is actually the Christmas tree I gave my grandmother in 1991 when she was almost 95 years old. She died less than a month later in January. This tree was the one thing I wanted. In link to the picture, you can barely see an "ornament" on the tree of me sitting behind her in the bed with the tree behind us. Click here to see an upclose picture of us. She had not had a tree in years when I gave it to her, and big tears rolled down her cheeks as I placed it in the corner of her bedroom where she laid in a hospital bed.

To each of you like Sue, we say "THANK YOU" for your support. Remember, however, that you are on your own road anytime you decide to be by "standing up and speaking out" in your own community, right where you are! That is what we hope to inspire people to do. Helen Keller was once asked, “What would be worst than being blind? She replied, “Having good eyesight and no vision.” Create a vision in your own community. Be like Helen Keller and commit, "I will not refuse to do the 'something' I can do!"

Each journey begins with a bold move, and each bold move is a journey!

Dotti