After New York Pride Parade

After the Pride parade in New York this past week-end, we were walking around the city, we happened upon Times Square Church. The doors were open and people were moving about, so we went inside. We were particularly interested in their signs out front stating, "Everyone is welcome," and "Only THE TRUTH shall set you free." Curious, we went to the information table and asked a nice young lady named Haley, (an intern at the church) whether or not we, as a married lesbian couple, would be welcome. Haley explained to us what she has been trained to say. “Of course you are welcome. I hope that you feel a warm welcome, but we do not believe that homosexuality is right, and we believe that the Bible is very clear in stating that it is wrong.”

The following picture is one that Roby took at Pride in New York.


Why do some people in churches "get it," while others don't? Why do some Lutheran churches "get it" while other Lutheran churches don't? Why doesn't Times Square Church, where the sign says, "Everyone is welcome" not "get it?" Why do we make God so small, when God is so BIG?

We had a very friendly and engaging conversation with Haley. During the course of the conversation, we were able to share a bit of our stories with her, only to find out that her aunt, a person of faith--a Christian, is lesbian. Haley said, "I know she has really struggled with finding a church that accepts her." Before we left, we gave her one of our rainbow wristbands so that she could visit our website.

Once again, mission accomplished. We didn't change Haley's mind about us, or her aunt (whom she obviously loves), but we engaged Haley's heart and mind, and had an authentic connection. We all parted ways feeling empowered. A seed planted.

In conversing with Haley, we realized that we engaged with someone who is part of a minority, a politically powerful group of people to whom our community has given far too much power.

Reading a recent article in the Advocate reminded us how true that is. In the article “The Breakdown of Boycotts,” a guy who lives in Kansas City, is married with a wife and children, and is a devout Christian who attends a nondenominational church every Sunday, pays no heed to boycotts by antigay groups. He says, “The religious right is not a group of people I’d choose to be aligned with.” In fact, he said he isn’t even aware of what companies have been boycotted. “Maybe that is why a series of antigay boycotts championed by Christian groups like Focus on the Family and the American Family Association have flopped,” says John Green, senior fellow in religion and American politics at the nonpartisan, non-advocacy Pew Form on Religion and Public Life. John continues, “While Christian conservatives are a large minority, they are not the majority.”

That last line is the key. Yes, Christian conservatives are a large minority, but they are still a minority, NOT a majority. Our GLBTA (yes, allies too), and queer and questioning community tend to forget that. This particular amnesia causes us to be silent, when silence is not only unnecessary, but is not productive or empowering for creating change in our society.

We dialogued with one another regarding how to continue reaching our own community (including allies). What is it going to take for each of us to be willing to risk as much as we are asking others to risk? Have we not reached the point of perpetual discomfort needed to create change in our own community? Any feedback? We would love to hear from you.

As we approach July 4, Independence Day, we are reminded that freedom is not free. It requires taking risks. We are encouraging to seize the month of July (represented by one day, July4) as an opportunity to move closer toward living authentically in our lives by hosting a Stand UP Speak OUT Event. It is very simple. Click here to find out more about it. Please join us in creating freedom for our community! Dotti & Roby

Fun in DC and Gay Pride In Manhattan!

Last Friday night at the "Kiss & Ride" of Vienna Metro Station, we said our sad goodbyes to Mary & Allen DeLaney, where we've called "home" for three weeks. We rode the Amtrak train from DC to Penn Station in New York for the GLBT Pride Weekend with our Sodexho friends.

The night before heading to the city, we enjoyed a delightful Thursday evening dinner in DC with PFLAG National Executive Director, Jody Huckaby and his partner, Stephen. Unfortunately, due to the HOT & HUMID weather, we weren't able to meet their pooch, Buddy. (see his photo under "Rylee" icon under drop down box called "Rylee's picture album on our website!)

After dinner, while walking in the "gayberhood" of DC, a young man walked past us, and then turned around and walked back to us. He looked right at Dotti and said, "Excuse me... what's your name?" Dotti, a bit perplexed, said "Dotti." The friendly guy then said, "Dotti Berry???" She replied, "Yes." It turned out that it was Ryan, who is Joe Solmonese's Administrative Assistant at The Human Rights Campaign. We had been emailing and doing phone tag regarding getting together with Joe, trying to determine if our schedules could match up! Ryan had left a phone message for us regarding Joe's schedule. Ryan said he was walking along and noticed Dotti's Two Women & A Poodle T-shirt, and he thought to himself, "I recognize that logo!" That is precisely why we wear our logoed items each day. If we don't have Rylee with us or aren't driving our purple suburban pulling the Scotty trailer, we need something to strike up a conversation! :)

We just experienced a delightful weekend with our Sodexho friends in New York. As I write this, we are sitting in the Newark NJ airport waiting for our flight home. Having only slept about 2.5 hours last night, I am frequently finding my head dropped and my face smashing the keys of the laptop.

We heard weekend reports of sunshine and hot (92) temperatures in the Pacific NW, but here in NY, we had rain, and more rain. No problem though, we bought an umbrella for $5 from the nice guy on the corner, and were on our way. At noon, we went to a women's restaurant/club called Rubyfruits, in the heart of Greenwich Village, for a brunch/reception with our favorite photographer, Judy Francesconi. See Judy's work at www.judyfrancesconi.com

There was also a "Pet Pride Dog Show," at Rubyfruits, where Liza Minelli was the judge. I was more interested in seeing all the dogs, but it was fun to see Ms. Minelli up close. Dotti was more interested in hearing her sing that wondering which dog she would pick as the winner!

While walking along in Greenwich Village, a delightful man named Bill noticed Dotti's shirt, and felt safe to assume she was/we were lesbian, and said, "It should be a fun parade tomorrow." That started our conversation, and we learned that Bill grew up in New York, and he knows all things NYC! There wasn't a question we asked that he didn't know the answer. Bill is a 64-year old gay man, who retired early after a very successful career on Wall Street. There we stood, in the rain on that Greenwich Village street corner, taking shelter with our $5 black umbrellas, becoming friends with a sweet man named Bill.

Bill said he wanted to take us to dinner and give us a personal tour of the city. Unfortunately, we hadn't the time, but the gesture was appreciated. Before leaving New York, Bill called us just to say, "It was very nice to meet you, and I'd like to keep in touch." It's these little encounters, on street corners, in rest stops, in gas stations or coffee shops, that feel like the real "gems" of this journey. We are blessed and life is good! We promised to take him up on his offer next time we are in New York!

As you know, we've mentioned Sodexho and Spirit Cruises in previous blogs and news updates. Spirit Cruises is owned by Sodexho, and on Saturday night, we were treated to an amazing 3-hour cruise of the Hudson River and the New York Harbor, on up to the base of the Statue of Liberty. Thank you, David Sinclair, (General Manager of Spirit Cruises) and Lorna Donatone (President of Spirit Cruises) for a wonderful time! While aboard, we were treated to a great live band, dancing, a delicious meal, and good wine, all while enjoying the view of the New York and New Jersey city lights by night. We requested a favorite song, "At Last," and the band played it .... you guessed it ... LAST! All of the gay & lesbian Sodexho couples, encourage by Denise, got up and danced in unison. What a sight that was!

A special part of this boat cruise was when the boat pulled up in the moonlit shadow of the Statue of Liberty and "God Bless America" played over the speakers of the watercraft. Several of us agreed that although it was very spectacular, such a sight combined with the anthems of America, will have much greater meaning and impact when ALL of us can enjoy the freedoms, privileges and protections that are presently denied us simply because we are gay.

The New York Gay Pride Parade is the oldest in the country, and the largest. It was fun to experience it with our Sodexho friends who invited us and hosted us for the weekend. Unlike the Washington DC March, we were just spectators in this parade.

After the parade, while walking around the city, we happened upon Times Square Church. The doors were open and people were moving about, so we went inside. We were particularly interested in their signs out front stating, "Everyone is welcome," and "Ony THE TRUTH shall set you free." Curious, we went to the information table and asked a nice young lady named Haley, (an intern at the church) whether or not we would be welcome, as a married lesbian couple. Haley explained to us that of course we are welcome and she would hope that we would feel a warm welcome, but that they do not believe that homosexuality is right, and they believe that the Bible is very clear in stating that it is wrong.

We had a very friendly and very engaging conversation with Haley, and during the course of the conversation, were able to share a bit of our stories with her, only to find out that her aunt, a person of faith--a Christian, is lesbian. Haley said, "I know she has really struggled with finding a church that accepts her."

Once again, mission accomplished. We didn't change Haley's mind about us, or her aunt (whom she obviously loves), but we engaged Haley's heart and mind, and had an authentic connection, and we all parted ways feeling empowered. A seed planted.

After a HUGE dinner at Carmine's Family Style Italian with the Sodexho/Spirit friends, the two of us rode the subway to The World Trade Center Ground Zero. Dotti, having dined at the top of the Towers in 1995, felt a sense of disbelief at the sight... the empty space. During my last visit to NYC in 1999, I enjoyed peering at the incredible structures standing high and above everything else around, but did not dare go up... elevators and I have a love-hate relationship, and I wasn't interested in climbing a million steps!

Keep on Standing UP and Speaking OUT for LIBERTY and JUSTICE FOR ALL!

--Roby

Lars Clausen's Straight Into Gay America - Get the book here!

After reading Lars Clausen's Page-A-Day for today (see below),
here was my response back to him:

Dear Lars:

I just wanted to write and tell you how much I am enjoying your page a day. I love what you are writing... and can so relate. Your words about God, Jesus, and the church resonate with me, even though my own church experience was quite positive up until I decided to stop lying, that is. For 18 years, however, all was well... but I was dying a slow death from the drip-drip-drip of deception in my life.

Today, not being a regular churchgoer, and making a conscious choice to not be a member of an organized religious group anymore, but feeling myself to be a spiritual person, I continue to question, wrestle and contemplate what this is all about, and what place does God/Jesus have in my life, and why do I feel the need to acknowledge or justify my belief... or lack thereof?

Most days I just rest in knowing that there is only fear or love, and I can't live in both simultaneously... so which am I going to choose? I continue to read, listen, and ask questions about God, because I am so curious and my new lenses bring up so many new questions for me. I'd like answers, but nobody has them. So I just rest in knowing there is good and there is love... and all is well.

Looking forward to seeing you in Colorado Springs!

Love, Roby

______________________________________________________________

Straight Into Gay America: A-Page-A-Day: The Entire Book Free:One Page at a Time Get The Whole Book All At Once: Secure Ordering via Blooming Twig Books More about the Journey: StraightIntoGayAmerica.Com Daily Encouragement for Equal Rights. Yes - Please Forward!

---

Introduction - Page 16-17

"All true," concedes Poetry Man, "but you didn't ride just to argue a point about equal rights." He looks at feeble lines I've written about my time as a pastor. "There's a whole book in why you traded your robes for a unicycle. And you don't have a word of it written."

"That's not the book I'm writing." I say the words loud, as if force will give them credence.

Poetry Man confronts me now.
"You didn't leave the church to argue
a point. You left when you were
desperate. You didn't ride

your tour just to do a good deed.
What about not believing in God
anymore? You've talked to me
about this. Where's that in this writing?"

"That's not the book I'm writing." I repeat the words, this time without strength, "I wanted to be a reporter, share what I saw, help gay rights."

You watch Public Television instead of FOX news
and everyone knows the reporters have a viewpoint.
You have one, too. You choose
what you watch.

You're a pastor.
You don't believe in God,
and you're not going to report that?
Who. What. When. Why. Where. And how.

All reporting comes through the story of your own life.
You're scared. You think you're doing
something big. Right now it's small.
It's a cover-up of you.

Your ride could still save you.

Poetry Man picks up the 74,000 words of my manuscript draft, and places them back in my lap. He makes no sound. I look at the pile of pages, knowing I have to go back through each line. Is there anything in here worthy of a truck-crash dying hour? For a long time we sit on Jim's couch, the pages resting on my knees. At last I look up at this Poetry Man, searching his face.
He tells me, "You don't have to do this, you know."

Another few minutes pass before I finally speak. "All last summer when I rode, I kept meeting people who faced the choice of living their life or living in a closet. Maybe while I toured for equal rights I was touring to find my own voice, and unlock my own closet."

Poetry Man answers, this time more gently. "Let's see your story."

Blessings for the day.
Lars Clausen

At age 98, Eva Gilmour inspires us!

I want to be like Eva when I grow up!

Eva Gilmour is a delightful lady who may just be the wisest woman I've ever met. Eva lives on the farm in Cherry Hill, NJ that she and her late husband, John developed back in the early 1900's. Now, nearly 98 years old, she enjoys weekends and summers in her beach home on the Jersey Shore, which is where we met her.

Eva Gilmour proudly sporting her GISA rainbow wristband!

Eva's advice for longevity? "Keep moving!" Eva spent most of her life working hard on the farm, and she continues to stay active by walking everyday. In addition, Eva plays bridge with her friends and attends church at the United Methodist Church, where we spoke in Haddonfield, New Jersey.

Our friend, Sue Schantz brought us in to Haddonfield to speak at her UMC a couple of months ago, and when we were invited back to the east coast by Sodexho, we promptly called Sue, who then promptly invited us to a weekend at the Jersey Shore with she and Eva. Sue has known Eva since she was a child growing up, and they share a special love and bond that is evident to all.

When asked how she came to accept gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people, Eva replied, "I love people for who they are, and I judge people by their character, not by their sexual orientation or gender identity. Tell me, how do you feel about me as a heterosexual?" I replied, "Well, Eva, I don't quite understand, but I love you because you are a very kind, loving and compassionate woman." She said, "Well OK then, why can't that work both ways?" We all smiled.

Eva seemed to be quite perplexed by our stories of people not celebrating us, especially those who call themselves Christians. She said, "I just don't get it! How can people who call themselves Christians not accept, celebrate, and honor you and your relationship? That's not what Jesus was all about. He was about loving thy neighbor."

The more stories we shared with Eva, about many of our religious leaders, religious institutions and our families being unaccepting and unwelcoming of us as lesbians, the more appalled Eva became. So you see, we have not found age to be a barrier to understanding and embracing GLBT people! We do not deny that people of age were brought up in a very differnt era -- an era where most GLBT people were hidden--where society at large, and religious institutions did not accept homosexuality, and where many people really believed that homosexuality was a sin and a sickness that could be and should be treated and cured. (I know, as I write that, some are asking, "Has anything changed?") However, we know many people in their 70's, 80's and 90's who embrace us, and stand on the front lines with us for justice and equality. No one is ever too old to learn and grow. The question is, "Are you willing to embark on a journey of discovery, and are you willing and ready to shift and grow?"

Eva, Dotti, Roby & Sue at Eva's home on the Jersey Shore

While in Ocean City, NJ, we attended the Sunday a.m. church service at The Ocean City Tabernacle. See http://www.octabernacle.org/ They have a neat concept for church... there is no membership, nor is there a full time pastor or staff--each week they bring in different prominent speakers. Coming soon to the Tabernacle are Gloria Gaither, Guy Doud and Tony Campolo, to name a few.

While we were there, Dr. William Willimon, the Bishop of the North Alabama Conference of the United Methodist Church was speaking. We had the opportunity (actually, we MADE the opportunity) to speak with Dr. Willimon after the service, and Dotti was able to share her UMC experience with him (of being denied membership because she is lesbian). Dr. Willimon responded with stating he does not agree with disallowing GLBT people church membership.

In the evening, we were delighted by a concert of the Coral Ambassadors -- the youth choir of Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church in Ft. Lauderdale, FL. When we were in Florida in February, we drove past Coral Ridge Church, and having heard Dr. D. James Kennedy speak on numerous occasions via TV and radio, we really wanted to attend a church service. We wrote about that in a newsletter. D. James Kennedy is well-known in mainline Christian church circles as being very unwelcoming to GLBT people, which is one reason we wanted to go... to be a loving presence and to put a face to "those gay people." What so impressed us, however, was the music! It was heavenly. Long story-short... Our friend Sue Schantz is close friends with the Coral Ridge music directors, Lisa & Jim Wilson, who served at Sue's UMC in Haddonfield for many years. We had the honor of meeting them, and enjoyed an amazing concert. In addition, we sent a personal letter to D. James Kennedy with Lisa Wilson to hand deliver. We hope to get a response, and will let you know when we do.


Song leaders, Jim & Lisa Wilson, Dotti, Sue, Roby & Eva at The Tabernacle

Since we last blogged, here is a snapshot of what we've been up to:

We flew to Washington DC on June 6th and settled into our home away from home at Mary & Allen DeLaney's in Herndon, VA. We spoke twice to Sodexho - once in Gaithersburg, MD and once in Allentown, PA. We marched in the DC Pride Parade. We spent time with PFLAG parents in Allentown. We spoke at a Mennonite Brethren Church where Roberta & Harold Kreider hosted us. We went to an HRC reception and met Joe Salomnese, of Human Rights Campaign. We spent a weekend at the Jersey Shore with our dear friend Sue Schantz and Eva. And now we're back in Herndon, sticking close to "home," doing some writing, some research, and relaxing before going to NYC this weekend for New York Pride, then we'll fly home on June 26th to start our "vacation." :)

Our first accident on the journey: I completely closed the electric car window on Dotti's finger last Friday at the beach. It was horrible, and very excrutiating. Dotti was in tears and nearly fainted from the pain, and I was in tears because I felt so badly. The finger has healed nicely, with only a light shade of purple left, which is pretty good after only a few days. We treated her aggressively within minutes of the injury, so aside from the color and some residual tenderness, all is well.

Dotti's squished finger after 2 days

The weather here is HOT and HUMID, and although we love the sunshine, we are looking forward to being back in the Pacific Northwest with warmth but no humidity! Thank God for AC here!

If you haven't already, please consider signing up for Lars Clausen's Page-A-Day -- His entire "Straight Into Gay America" book online. Each day you will be inspired and intrigued by this amazing man who was instrumental in our decision to embark on our Gay Into Straight America journey. Click on this link for Lars' book: http://www.straightintogayamerica.com/269.html

Standing UP and Speaking OUT for Equality and Justice...
--Roby

Pride Weekend in Bellingham

When I first came out to my parents on January 5, 2002, my dear sweet mother sat on the couch and cried. You see, having been in the evangelical Christian church for most of her life, she holds certain beliefs about homosexuality... that the Bible condemns such. I can remember that January night in their Lynden, WA home, my mom saying, "I don't want any of that Pride stuff."

My mom has come a long way since January 2002. She still wrestles with her understanding and still does not celebrate us, but she does love us and both of my parents are very loving to Dotti and me, for which we are very grateful.

Little did I know at the time of coming out to my parents that I would not only participate in "that Pride stuff," but I would be touring the country with my spouse, Dotti Berry, and we would be featured in newspapers, magazines, television news & radio shows all across the nation.

So what is "Pride Stuff?" Some people look at the TV news clips of a pride parade, where the news crew is trying to create a "shock factor" to get people to watch. Is that Pride? Maybe. It's also a bunch of amazing people coming together to CELEBRATE THE GIFT WE ARE. It's gay, straight, queer, trans, intersex and questioning people. It's about love. It's about being proud to be who we are. It's about being REAL and sharing our authentic selves with the world in which we live.

I can't think of a more exciting time in history to be alive... and be gay! Yes, I'm proud, and yes, I'm "doing that Pride Stuff!"

We had a delightful gathering on Saturday evening at the Bellingham Food Co-Op. Diana, Diane, Cathy & Ronna organized the event -- THANK YOU, Ladies! Dotti and I shared stories from the road, and showed some slides to a crowd of 44 interested and supportive people. It was a great time of reconnecting with old friends and making some new. It was a time of celebration and a time to reflect on what PRIDE is and what a gift it is to be gay!

On Sunday, we had Gay Into Straight America booth at the Bellingham Pride Festival. Dotti and I also spoke about our journey for about 15 minutes. See the Bellingham Herald article about the festival by clicking here.

Our dear friends, Rachel & Tammy spent the entire weekend with us, much to our delight and Rylee Joy's! Rylee LOVES her Aunties! They doted on her like she was a Princess. Well, she is! :)

After PrideFest, we enjoyed a pizza at Stanello's with some friends and one of our neighbors, Elizabeth. Thanks, Ladies, for a great day!

--Roby

Because Marriage Matters

Our time during the next week presents a unique opportunity. Everywhere we look national organizations are encouraging us to call our senators and call President Bush regarding the Federal Marriage Amendment that is being voted on, in an attempt to write discrimination into our constitution. All of these ideas are great. I, personally feel, however, that there is a VERY IMPORTANT STEP that each one is not addressing.

Here’s our idea that expresses the extra step, in red, that we feel is necessary to take full responsibility.

“Before President Bush announces his renewed support for the Federal Marriage Amendment, call all your friends and family and share the gift of your authentic self and let them know that discrimination has no place in the U.S. Constitution, particularly against you, their "son, daughter, mother, father, friend, etc." And then call the White House comment line at 202-456-1111, and ask your family/friends to do the same.”

Folks, it is time to Stand UP & Speak OUT! Don't bypass the step of being authentic with those who are in your circle of influence...your friends, families and co-workers. By them fully understanding the discrimination you experience and having a discussion, you can help educate them as to the impact this would have on your life.

"There is nothing more powerful than an idea whose time has come." - Victor Hugo

Check out what www.MarriageEquality.org has planned for tomorrow. I am getting ready to call Davina Kotulski, Ph.D., the Executive Director for Marriage Equality USA. She is also author of Why You Should Give A Damn About Gay Marriage. We are going to talk about ways we can work together as we continue our year long journey, Gay Into Straight America.

Working together and personally doing what each of us can do, wherever we are, is a key to moving our society forward in a positive way.

PRIDE in the month of June all over the world.

PRIDE across America. Walk the Talk! Click on that link for our newest newsletter. “PRIDE” is being celebrated in various places throughout the world. Having been invited home to speak at PRIDE in Bellingham, Washington, we have been thinking about “PRIDE” and what it means. One definition for "Pride," in the dictionary rings true for us, “A sense of one's own proper dignity or value; self-respect.”

This year's international theme for Pride Month is "Pride—Not Prejudice," according to InterPride.org. There is a great book to read. Check it out.
Making Gay History: The Half Century Fight for Lesbian & Gay Equal Rights

This morning, we had a conference call with Sodexho, whose PRIDE organization is bringing us in to speak at their headquarters in Gaithersburg, Maryland, as well as at their facility in Allentown, PA. Corporations are continuing to offer benefits for same gender partnerships that mirror those of married mixed gender couples. I believe that the challenge now becomes, "How do we get our own community to move beyond fear so that they can embrace these new benefits and 'benefit' from them?" Let us know what you think. -- Dotti