Family Adventures in Kentucky

From Cincinnati, we headed south to Corbin Kentucky. Mary and Teresa, our hostesses in Cincinnati, drove us to Lexington, where Dotti’s Uncle Bill and Mother picked us up. We decided to spend a few days with her Aunt Dot and invited her Mom, Marilu Johnson, up from Atlanta to join us. We enjoyed several days with them, visiting and driving throughout the countryside looking at the stunning fall leaves.

You may recall that Dot’s husband, Dotti’s Uncle John, passed away in June. We were unable to afford the flights, opting for a buddy pass from Dotti’s good friend from high school and college, Cindy Hall. Unfortunately, being on standby status was a risk we took, and there were no seats available. We told Aunt Dot we would visit later, and our visit to the east coast provided the opportunity, allowing us to celebrate her 88th birthday coming up on October 29. We showered her with yellow roses, a specially cooked meal, and a card about being a red hat lady. Yes, she recently joined the Red Hat group in Corbin.

Visiting the Kroger to buy groceries for the birthday meal, we were reminded how the journey continues. Becky, the grocery clerk, asked us about our logo on our jackets. She was excited to learn that we had recently completed our year long journey, and what it entailed. The following day when we were there again, she called greetings to us. We got in her line to check out and talked again. We asked her our main question, “Do you know a bisexual, transgender, gay or lesbian person?” She immediately replied, “Lots of my friends are gay.” We gasped! We are even in Corbin, Kentucky…we are everywhere! (: We told her we were in town to visit Uncle Bill and Aunt Dot.

While in Corbin, we shared pictures of our journey with Aunt Dot and Dotti’s mother, explaining the “who, where, when” of each one. Aunt Dot asks questions about our life, engaging us in conversation, and celebrating us. We thanked her for that.

Dotti: Mom being there to witness Aunt Dot’s interest in our lives felt good. Perhaps Aunt Dot’s celebration of us will serve as a bridge for her to someday celebrate us as well.

The night before we left, Dotti read the July 13 newsletter where we talked about Uncle John’s death and the impact his loving ways had on our family. Dotti then read all the wonderful email comments we received from some of you regarding his death. We could tell Aunt Dot was truly touched by the comments, and Dotti’s Mother also heard them as she sat in a nearby chair.

While in Corbin, we also convinced these two sisters to sit and talk about their lives growing up together, their marriages, and what legacy they hope to leave behind. They insisted that their words not be shared with anyone but family. Darn…what a great podcast that would have been! (:

Seriously, Dotti had the foresight to record a conversation with her Grandmother before she died, and she loves being able to play that tape anytime, and hear her Grandmother’s voice. Having that recording allowed her to share with Roby her Grandmother Woods, who died in 1991 at the age of 94. Without that tape, Dotti would simply be describing her Grandmother. Roby has had the privilege of experiencing Dotti’s Grandmother through hearing her voice and her own words about her life.

Dotti also did the interview in written form, and made copies of that and the tape for her family for Christmas that year. There is something special about capturing another’s voice for all time. As we sat around the kitchen table, laughing and sharing stories, it was authentic connection time for us with Aunt Dot and Marilu. We are going to do the same with Roby’s parents. We highly recommend that you consider doing this with your family. It is a gift that folks will never forget and one that keeps on giving every time you listen.

The night before we left Corbin, we received word of the historical decision by New Jersey’s courts. They “get it” about marriage equality inclusive of lesbians and gay. The words of New Jersey PFLAG Mom, Melinda Waldo, summarized the importance of the decision for family values in the following statement released by PFLAG National.

“As the mother of a gay son and a resident of New Jersey, I am deeply gratified by this decision to end discrimination in the rights and benefits of marriage against same-sex couples issued today in my home state.

This wise and compassionate decision by the Supreme Court of New Jersey removes a weight from families like mine which include a gay or lesbian loved one. Since our son came out to us in 1991, we have become more aware of the lack of protection for gay people in our society and the more we learned, the more our concern for our son grew. We came to realize that he and his partner need the support and affirmation of marriage as much as our three married daughters.

As someone who has been married for 46 years, the mother of four children and the grandmother of five, I wholeheartedly believe in family values. Marriage equality for gay and lesbian couples greatly benefits all of us who want to strengthen families and protect our children.

Beyond the important protections which marriage confers - hospital visitation, health coverage, pension benefits, survivor’s rights, just to name of few responsibilities of marriage - this decision recognizes the right of gay people to marry the person of their choice. Implicit in this ruling is the respect for the relationships of committed, loving gay couples that they deserve. This is what I and all parents want for our children. Equal rights. No more, no less. And now we look to the state legislature to affirm our right to total equality.”

We head west now, homeward bound! We are relaxing and writing in the home of our friends Cathy & Kelly Lloyd, overlooking a beautiful lake, in Knoxville, TN,(Dotti and Cathy were sorority sisters in college) before flying out for Seattle tomorrow, October 27. Both of us have colds (something we didn’t have during our entire year long journey), so we’re not at the top of our game, but nevertheless, we have had a lovely trip, and feel nourished by our time spent with old friends, new friends, and family.

When we arrive on Friday night, our friend, Judy Osborne, picks us up from the airport. We spend Saturday and Sunday at a couples’ conference at the Gottman Institute. We are “treating” ourselves and are excited about this opportunity to go deeper into authentic connection with one another. On Sunday, we will have dinner with Rev. Dr. Lisa Davison, who has been in Washington all week, speaking at the Religious Equality colloquies. Lisa officiated our wedding ceremony in July, 2004. Before she speaks in Everett on Monday, we will open the day by sharing our story regarding the inability to legally marry in Washington, and answering questions from participants.

We can’t wait to see Rylee Joy. This time on the road without her has been tough, but, thankfully, Lynn and John (our neighbors) who have Ruff (Rylee’s half brother), have taken good care of her. Roby’s Mom and Dad, Miriam and Bob, will pick her up on the 29th and keep her until we return on November 3. What would we do without friends and family?

There is never a dull moment in our lives, and we love it!

As much as we LOVE being on the road and LOVE to travel, after our year of adventure, we are really looking forward to being settled at home for awhile, gathering close to friends and family. The journey lives on, however, since it is a new opportunity we have each day to live with integrity, compassion, forgiveness and undefended love…engaging hearts and minds, creating authentic connections and dissolving differences that separate us. By doing just that, you, too, can change the world through the expression of YOUR love! Won’t you join us in committing to that same vow we spoke at our wedding, letting it inspire you to move forward in new ways, unattached to a specific outcome?

The Light in us honors the Light in you...
--Roby, Dotti... and Rylee Joy (from a distance)

Two Women & NO Poodle--Update from the, uh, skies!

We had only one week at home after the official end of our year long journey, Gay Into Straight America, before we hit the road again. Well, not really. We hit the “friendly skies,” via Delta, headed for Provincetown, MA.

Flying standby, we made the first leg to Salt Lake City before not getting on the first flight to Boston. We spent most of the day in the airport, before flying out that evening. Our friend, Tracey, graciously set up a hotel room in Boston for us, before we drove to Provincetown, MA.

On the flight into Boston, the guy who sat next to Dotti turned out to be the chief of police in LaGrange, Georgia, only 20 minutes from Franklin, where Dotti’s parents own land on the lake (her Dad is deceased, but her mom still owns it). As sometimes happens on long flights, the conversation didn’t begin until descent into Boston. Before we landed, he shared that his mother’s sister, Polly, was with her partner, Laura, for 50 years. Laura died n 1996. Polly lived to be 102. Family values? We think those are good ones.

He spoke of another relative who called to ask if she could bring her “friend.” They said, of course. He said he felt sad that she felt she had to ask, but that she probably did because her parents don’t accept her as lesbian.

Our first night in P-town was spent with Elizabeth and Amy, our friends from just east of Boston. Elizabeth worked with Roby some years back on some clinical research studies, when Roby was at Bellingham Asthma & Allergy. We hadn’t seen each other in years, so it was a delight to spend some time together! Elizabeth and Amy were married in Hawaii a couple of years ago, and most recently, had the privilege of marrying legally in Massachusetts! We did an interview/conversation with them in P-town, and we’d like to share that podcast from the road with you in the near future…So come back!

We stayed overnight with Joann and John, PFLAG parents in Orleans, MA, just outside of P-town. PFLAG folks are always so welcoming. We love you!

We enjoyed two days of Women’s Week, heard our dear friend, Lucie Blue Tremblay twice, spending time with her and Pat. It has been the first chance we have had to catch up with one another since Lucie sang at our kick-off concert for our journey.

We also attended a one-woman show by Sara Moore called “Show-Ho.” We met her when she was with a group of people at a table next to us at dinner one evening. Hearing them mention the upcoming transgender conference, Fantasia Fair, Dotti invited them to attend the public events. That led to conversation about our journey, and giving rainbow wristbands to the entire table.

Sara formerly toured as a clown with Ringling Bros. Circus for about sixteen years. She is a talented actress, filmmaker and performance artist. In this show, Sara tells the story of life in the circus, and being from “the island of misfit toys.” What’s so remarkable about Sara is that she plays each character, using different voices, accents, facial expressions and contortions, and she does this all by memory for a full hour! Look for Sara, or contact us if you are interested in having her come to your town for a show! We are going to bring her to the Pacific Northwest in 2007.

Roby: From Sunday to Wednesday, we enjoyed being a part of Fantasia Fair, the oldest transgender conference in the US. Dotti works with the significant others of the transgender, and couples. This year she also gave a keynote, which was brilliant. We enjoyed spending time with dear friends who we usually only get to see once a year. We had the opportunity to do a podcast interview with Kathryn and Lauren Bode. We visited with them in San Francisco on our journey. They are a remarkable couple, with Kathryn having transitioned when she made a career change a couple of years ago. They have been married for 17 years, and offer great insights on what it means for a couple who navigate gender variance.

Dotti: Before leaving Provincetown, MA, I had the privilege and honor of interviewing Brian McNaught, called the “Godfather of Gay Sensitivity Training” by the New York Times. As part of our Stand UP Speak OUT “Great American Roadcast” series, this podcast offers insight from a person who has been in the field of diversity training for over 30 years. I was fortunate to have studied with Brian in 1999 at the Thornfield Sexuality Workshop, participating in a special track, “Gay Issues in the Work Place.”

Brian is not only a great trainer, but a great personal communicator as well. His essence surrounds you like a cuddly teddy bear, as he bears witness to your presence in a room. Don’t miss the podcast. Not only will you discover how Brian was drawn into the field through his own “outing” process, but his insights on the impact of Corporate America on society are noteworthy.

He and his partner, Ray, have been together for 30 years. We asked them their secret. They replied, “Communication!” Ray jokingly added, “And he obeys me.” That brought a chuckle from Brian. They are one couple who serve as a model and inspiration for me.

After Fantasia Fair, we flew to Cincinnati, Ohio on October 18. Our good friends, Mary & Teresa picked us up at the airport holding a sign that said, “Two Women, No Poodle!” It was Mary’s birthday, so we went out to celebrate with sushi.

We enjoyed a lively crowd at The Union Station in downtown Cincinnati on Friday night, Oct. 20, where we gave our “Gay Into Straight America” presentation, sponsored by Janet Hill and WomenOutFront. Not only were Teresa and Mary our fabulous hostesses, but their wonderful business, Angel Whispers Cookies, made custom cookies with our logo, offering them to people who purchased one of our T-shirts.

Before leaving town, we planned for a future workshop on “Living Authentic Lives.” The comments from people who attended our speaking engagement were encouraging. Person after person came up to us, personally thanking us and sharing some bit of information on how our talk impacted their lives and inspired them.

Next on our schedule: Corbin, Kentucky!

Playin' in P-Town

We are in Provincetown, Mass., and having a wonderful time! We enjoyed the tail end of Women's Week, and now we are having fun with the girls at Fantasia Fair (transgender conference). Dotti is one of the presenters at the conference, and I enjoy visiting, walking, taking photographs, and sitting in the hotel room working. It's all good.

Please come back... there's more to share!

-Roby

Stand UP Speak OUT/Great American Roadcast-Episode 2

This interview is with Lars Clausen, the Lutheran minister whose journey, Straight Into Gay America, was a catalyst for our year-long journey, Gay Into Straight America, of Two Women and a Poodle. His book, Straight Into Gay America…My Unicycle Journey for Equal Rights, was recently published. After the last “official” speaking engagement for our journey, we (Dotti Berry and Robynne Sapp) had the opportunity to interview Lars. Lars was also the inspiration for our Stand UP Speak OUT Wind Changer Awards.

Click here for our most newsletter sent out today, that details future podcasts, we well as gives an update of "what's been happening" since our last "official" speaking engagement of our year-long journey on the road. We just heard from Curve magazine today that they are going to do an article on our journey...stay tuned for when that will be!

Ok, we getting ready to head to Seattle this week-end for the wedding of Roby's cousin, Harper Tasche. He played the harp at our wedding on July 31, 2004. His partner, Neil, did a Native American blessing to begin our ceremony, as a way of honoring the Native Americans who originally owned the land where Semiahmoo Resort exists (the location of our wedding). Then we are off to Spokane for a couple of days before returning home and preparing for an east coast swing from October 12 through the end of the month. More about all of that tomrrow.

Thanks for continuing to follow what is going to be happening for Stand UP Speak OUT! Dotti & Roby