Jerry Falwell & Yolanda King...Two Individuals who impacted society

Last week, I was at presenting at the transgender conference, Esprit, when I first heard that Rev. Jerry Falwell had died. When I heard the next day of the passing of Yolanda King, I couldn't help but think how, in different ways, both had so profoundly impacted my life. Yet, with my daily schedule last week of offering groups to SO's (significant others) and transgender couples, plus activities at night, there was no time to sit down and pen my thoughts. Perhaps it was better that way. I needed to mull my feelings and sit with them.

One day apart, we lost two humans who impacted our society in major ways. Now you might not see any connection between the two, but the best way I can describe it is through the words from a great song by Aretha Franklin, where she says,

R E S P E C T…
Find out What It Means to me!

Communicate with respect if you want others to hear you. The essence of Unconditional Respect is:

Everyone is as they should be.

Every human’s identity is LIFE, their form is HUMAN, respect
that.

Don’t try to respect toxic behavior. Try to understand toxic behavior. Then you can learn how to stay unattached to a specific outcome regarding both situations and people, and choose to reside in the space of love vs. fear, thus enhancing your opportunity to feeling expanded and open vs. feeling disappointed, depleted, and closed.

Reality is a shared space. Control of that reality is also shared. Everyone has a subjective reality that appears “real and right” to them.

Jerry Falwell and Yolanda King had different subjective realities. Jerry's, though harmful in many ways to me and people in my community of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons, seemed real and right to him.

I respect Jerry's human identity, while also understanding, rather than respecting, his toxic behavior that denigrated, without sound reasoning, an entire community of people.

Dont miss this blog we also wrote: Jerry's Kids: How Falwell empowered the GLBT community.

Al Gore recently quoted an African proverb at the Tribeca Film Festival that says, "If you wish to go quickly, go alone. If you wish to go far, go together." Then he builds on it. "We have to go far, quickly." He was introducing a series of environmental films that will be shown at Live Earth. "We have to make it through an uncharted region, to the outer boundaries of what's known, beyond the limits of what we imagine is doable." Then he recited a famous line from the poet Antonio Machado: "Pathwalker, there is no path. You must make the path as you walk."

The reporter writing the article said, "I once heard him get tangled in that line during the 2000 campaign, but this time, he wasn't trying too hard."

Gore continued, "We must find a path that we create together, quickly," he said. "With truth force. To seize the opportunity that lies before us."

The reporter continued, "His words were simple, direct and powerful. One clue to how he found that power lies at the end of the poem, in a line Gore doesn't recite, as the poet reveals his desire 'to be what I have never been ... a man all alone, walking with no road, with no mirror.' "

What Gore said could also be said about the journey of our community (including allies) and those who would disagree that equality for people, inclusive of those with sexual and gender variance, is a civil rights issue.

I believe that we need to walk quickly together in this arena as well. But I believe that we can each be one another's mirror, sometimes reflecting who we are not, so that we can become who we were meant to be. Jerry Falwell, like my family, offered the perfect mirror for me to evolve and grow into my authentic skin.

It all began with Gandhi, a major political and spiritual leader, who pioneered "Satyagraha"(truth force or soul force), the resistance of tyranny through mass civil disobedience, firmly founded upon "ahimsa" or total non-violence, which led India to independence and inspired movements for civil rights and freedom across the world. This philosophy extended to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. who worked to free our country from its archaic separation of people due to race. It deeply influenced his daughter, Yolanda King, and the journey she would take in her life.

Yolanda King urged people to be a force for peace and love, and to use the King holiday each year to ask tough questions about their own beliefs about prejudice.

"We must keep reaching across the table and, in the tradition of Martin Luther King Jr. and Coretta Scott King, feed each other," she said.

The non-violent "satyagraha" philosophy was then embraced by Rev. Mel White, who used it to begin the organization Soulforce, confronting the spiritual violence of Rev. Jerry Falwell.

As Mahatma Gandhi so eloquently spoke,"Action expresses priorities."

Jerry Falwell's actions spoke volumes about his priorities. So did Yolanda King's. So do Mel White's. And it is clear that their priorities are entirely different.

May your priorities be reflected in actions that reach across the divide to bridge the polarization of any differences that separate us, offering equality and justice to all people.

The irony of Jerry's misplaced priorities is a lesson for all of us.

Namaste, Dotti

Jerry's Kids...How Falwell empowered the GLBT community

Jerry’s Kids. Perhaps you initially thought I was referring to Jerry Lewis and his kids?

No, this is different. We are the "new" set of "Jerry's Kids." This is about how Rev. Jerry Falwell, aptly labeled in 2000 by John McCain as an "agent of intolerance," actually empowered an entire community (includiing allies) to discover their voice.

Where would we all be without Jerry Falwell? Let's check out the "bigger picture," which in this case is a powerful one when we get beyond our anger at Jerry Falwell's toxic rhetoric that was continually spewed against our community.

This is what we know. The connecting threads weave the irony of how, in the end result, Jerry Falwell empowered the very community of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people he attempted to denigrate.

Yes, for all of his anti-gay remarks and dishing of mis-information (of which he was also a victim), Jerry Falwell probably single-handedly introduced more people in the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and ally community to one another. Without him, many of us would have never known each other, as our lives were woven into our individual communities in different parts of the country.

God bless him.

A personal story often best explains situations, and this is no exception. Having presented this past week at Esprit, the transgender conference in Port Angeles, I shared that I would not have been there if it weren't for Jerry Falwell.

What makes me say this?

Without Jerry Falwell, Soulforce would have never been birthed as a response from Rev. Mel White and Gary Nixon to his oppression of the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community.

Click here for list of podcasts and listen to our podcast interview with Mel White.

Without Jerry Falwell, I would have never been a part of the initial Soulforce gathering in 1999, and therefore would have never met Mel and Gary.

Without Jerry Falwell, I would have not met transgender woman Judy Osborne, who I met in Lynchburg in 1999 when I took a seat at a lunch counter.

Without Jerry Falwell, I would have never met and married my spouse, Robynne Sapp. I met Mary Lou and Bob Wallner (evangelical Christians who lost their lesbian daughter to suicide) in Lynchburg in 1999. That ignited their spiritual journey in a new way, leading Mary Lou to write a book, The Slow Miracle of Transformation. They speak at conferences throughout the nation. At one of those, Robynne met Mary Lou, who was the keynote speaker. As they say, the rest is history when Mary Lou introduced me to Robynne.

Without Jerry Falwell, Roby and I would have never taken our year-long journey, Gay Into Straight America, committed to bridging the polarization in our country regarding people's understanding about gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons. We would never be planning the second project of Stand UP Speak OUT, Inc. In 2008, we will embark on that project, The Great American Roadcast, and we will recall Rev. Jerry Falwell as we seek to build inclusive community in our country and beyond.

Without Jerry Falwell, countless gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and ally brothers and sisters across the country would have never met. That much is a fact.

Shame on all the misinformation that Jerry Falwell perpetuated against our community, and for all the horrific tragedies that occurred because of the misinformation. In the end result, however, we found our voice and our empowerment through looking him in the eyes, and saying, “No more! I am who I am!” For that reason, our gratefulness should override our anger.

Jerry Falwell is a man who used the misinformation that was taught to him to teach others that same misinformation. His death means that one less individual is perpetuating that misinformation about a group of people. Jerry grew to have a different understanding about race; he never crossed the abyss of his misunderstanding regarding sexual orientation and gender identity. A teacher is a teacher, and sometimes the information is bad. Beware. That is how it was with Jerry.

I hold Jerry Falwell accountable for the spiritual violence he perpetuated. I am simultaneously thankful both for free speech and the consequences of free speech. It allows us to grow and evolve.

As Rev. Mel White often said about Rev. Falwell while he was alive, "Jerry is sincere, but he is sincerely wrong."

He was then, and it remains so today, even in the shadow of his death. But let us celebrate the inspiration and mirror he provided for our own transformation, bringing forth our voices in celebration of ourselves.

God bless you, Jerry Falwell. May you rest in peace, a peace that escaped you in this life. For diminishing and denigrating others can never bring peace.

The light in me sees the light in you, Jerry Falwell...Dotti