What’s the difference between Imus and Dr. James Dobson?

Imus lost his career. Dr. James Dobson still has his.

Connect the dots. Both spew toxic rhetoric that is erroneous and harms and vilifies people. Imus’ career received the death sentence. James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family, receives a national media platform.

As a former women’s basketball coach at the University of Kentucky in the early 80’s, I am familiar with many fine young women and dedicated athletes. I feel grateful that Coach Vivian Stringer and the Rutgers women’s basketball team had the courage to confront the erroneous and abusive comments by Imus, inspiring our country to engage in an important and deeper conversation. Our organization, Stand UP Speak OUT, names these courageous voices our newest Wind Changers, recognizing the Power of One to access and impact the Power in All of US.

While others held up their finger to see which way the wind was blowing before they spoke, these important voices of Coach Vivian Stringer and the Rutger’s Women’s Basketball Team automatically did the right thing. Without flinching, they held Imus accountable. They didn't ask that he be dimissed from his show. They let others supply the pressure by asking him to recant his diminishing remarks. They became Wind Changers, exerting their wind to alter the opinion of those who sought to discover their direction by holding up their finger. We hope their actions help each of us understand how we have failed to embrace Dr. King’s words, “None of us are free until all of us are free.”

Using Gandhi’s and King’s non-violent process to confront Dr. James Dobson regarding his abusive and toxic rhetoric, we recently suffered arrest as part of Focus on the Facts, a campaign by Soulforce at Focus on the Family in Colorado Springs. Few cared, fewer noticed, and Dobson’s comments, as vile and harmful as those of Imus, continue unchecked as he receives a national media platform for them. Where’s the public outrage?

Prominent scientists Dr. Carol Gilligan and Dr. Kyle Pruitt recently voiced their concerns, publicly challenging Dr. Dodson’s misuse of their research to validate his point of view regarding same gender parents. Dobson’s tactics for verbally abusing and diminishing our community have a long and sordid history. Where is the media scrutiny calling for accountability? Where is the public outcry against Dr. Dobson’s comments?

No one suggested that Imus be given a platform to validate his comments. His act of accepting complete responsibility by meeting with the attacked and offering a face-to-face apology saved him from being further ostracized, even if it didn’t save his career. Recanting the misinformation was our specific request of Dr. Dobson. Surely a man of his moral stature should be willing to take that step. Instead, Dr. Dobson continues speaking to 40 million people daily, his toxic rhetoric against our community causing barely the lift of an eyebrow, and his Love Won Out conferences being invited by churches to fill their sanctuaries. Rather than exhibiting moral integrity by acknowledging those who pointed out the lack of connection between his comments and their research, he did an about-face and vilified them, accusing them of being “gay activists.”

In Citizen’s Link, the newsletter arm of Focus on the Family, Imus was taken to task for his comments by both Tom Minnery and Gary Schneeberger.

Imus Dishonors Remarkable Women (April 10, 2007)
by Tom Minnery, senior vice president, government and public policy

It's Hard Out Here for Decency (April 11, 2007)
by Gary Schneeberger, senior director
Don Imus is being lambasted – and rightly so – for recent hateful comments. But he's just a symptom of a larger disease: the increasing coarsening of culture.

Can you get the obvious disconnect here? Don Imus is pummeled for his comments. Focus on the Family and Gary Schneeberger, who came out to tell us that "Dr. Dobson doesn't ever want to meet with you" feels that there is no problem with Dr. Dobson's comments about gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons.

Each song, film, TV show, Internet or print article and talk-show comment that enters the pop culture mainstream has the potential to do good or ill. To build people up or tear them down. To offer hope or despair.

Don Imus long contributed to the latter half of those equations. But he is hardly alone. A society truly outraged by his remarks would do more than realize that – it would do something about it.

James Dobson should take a lesson from Imus, own his mistakes, and accept responsibility for the harm his words have caused gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons. Indeed, Dr. Dobson, Tom Minnery, Gary Schneeberger and Focus on the Family have the opportunity each day to build people up or tear them down. To offer hope or despair. We will give them their due by saying that, in many cases, they do lift people up. Unfortunately, all they have offered our gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community is despair by continually tearing us down, implanting false information into the hearts and minds of those who trust Dr. Dobson.

Dr. Dobson has received a national media platform to present “the other side” of the argument every time the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community stands up and speak out for ourselves. Indeed, they have contributed to the latter half of those equations of tearing us down. Indeed a society truly outraged by his remarks would do more than realize that—it would do something about it.

It has taken 40+ years since the passing of civil rights legislation for racist comments to become unacceptable. Yes, even though they still occur (as evidenced by Imus and others such as comedian Michael Richards), today there is a stigma attached to being a racist. The quickness with which both the public spoke and corporations withdrew sponsorships, thus costing Imus his career, shows that there is now a stigma to heterosexism in combination with racism. But there is still no stigma to being homophobic.

Our gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender community can help to shorten the time table it takes for the development of a stigma for being homophobic by living as the gift that we are. Let’s empower our own community by encouraging one another to live authentic lives. Until we turn the corner and make toxic homophobic comments about our community as unacceptable as racist ones, no one is truly free. Let’s eradicate the homophobia that is alive and well in our country, and expressed on an ongoing basis by James Dobson, and supported by Gary Schneeberger, who couldn’t understand why we asked Dr. Dobson to recant remarks. Dr. Dobson's comments that aren't just hateful, they are literally eroneous. They are more than "This is my opinion." They are untrue AND inflamatory...just like those of Imus.

Is anyone listening? Does anyone care? How we get others to connect the dots and say, "No more!"

We need more love, not fear. We need more love, not less.

Thanks to each of you who are opening your hearts to more authentic connections, deeper conversations, and more love.

Dotti and Robynne

What lessons do Imus, Dobson, Va. Tech and the war in Iraq offer us?

Yes, this is our first blog during April. A lot has happened in our world during the last few weeks...from people's feelings about our confronting Dr. Dobson being a hopeless situation, to more deaths in Iraq, to our own travels and speaking in Oregon, to more deaths in Iraq, to the Imus situation, to more deaths in Iraq, to the killings at Virginia Tech, to more deaths in Iraq, to many people questioning whether or not the media should have aired the video from a killer who so desperately wanted a media platform for his manifesto that he overnighted his package containing perverted violence in between the first shootings and his second rampage, to more deaths in Iraq. When will it end? Are there lessons to learn?

During this time, we have written and and written, and then stopped short of finishing some writing, feeling at times overwhelmed. We back up now to share some of our insights, as well as some responses to comments from folks.

In our March 22 blog, KNOW WHO YOU ARE, we shared comments from a friend, acknowledging the importance of her questions and conversation. Clarification and understanding regarding "why" we approach Dr. Dobson is necessary and important.

Her comments from that blog began with

Well ladies ....I hate to break this to you, but with Dr. Dobson you are screaming at the deaf."

Her comments remind us that Dr. Dobson has indeed refused to meet and/or talk with us; however, but we also recognize that the deaf can "hear us" if we continue to implement creative ways for communication.

We've also since discovered that we aren't the only ones with whom Dr. Dobson is not talking. Cara DeGette first wrote this article, More Skirmishes Likely At Focus HQ, the week after our arrest on February 19, 2007.

A comment in the article from Gary Schneeberger, and repeated below, provides the very "monologue" that we have been hearing for over ten years, as Focus on the Family refuses to have any dialogue with Soulforce.

"We’ve heard what they’ve had to say, and they are not interested in dialogue — they are interested in monologue," Schneeberger says.

Sounds like the same tactics that Rev. Ted Haggard used. Call attention to what you don't like by calling it exactly what you are doing.

The above article then led to her next one, Focus on the Burning Bridging, detailing how she has been shut out, permanently it appears, from Focus on the Family speaking with her any longer.

Cara says,

"I’ve been 86’ed by Focus on the Family. Again. That’s right, after a sometimes on, mostly off-again 14-year relationship, the Christian ministry and media empire has notified me that it will never, ever, ever, deign to be interviewed by yours truly again. I’ve burned all my bridges, I’m told, the ones that connect readers with the massive ministry that is headquartered in northern Colorado Springs.

My crime? Well this time I really did it. I accurately quoted their spokesman. That's right. Accurately.

Here's how it happened: Last week, Colorado Confidential reported on an incident involving two lesbians who were hauled away by Colorado Springs cops on Feb. 19, after they refused to leave Focus on the Family. They wanted a private audience with the ministry's founder James Dobson, to talk to him about his position on homosexuality."

So, check out Focus on the Burning Bridge to read "the rest of the story." Her article was later also carried in the Colorado Springs Independent.

Michael de Yoanna, with the Colorado Springs Independent, interviewed us when we returned to Colorado Springs to face the judge. You can read his article, Focusing on ...Focus: Recent Soulforce arrest at Springs campus portends campaign to come.

Amazingly, when we wrote our blog, KNOW WHO YOU ARE, the Imus incident had not happened. Who could have foreseen the national conversation that would happen?

That is why it is important for us to continue being the gift that we are, whether that be with Dr. Dobson or with friends and family. We never know when the tipping point will happen. Hindsight will simply inform us that it has occurred as we observe the results of it.

And how could we have known that Russell Simmons, the founder of Def Jam Records who brought hip-hop into the American mainstream, was about to release his book, Do You! 12 Laws to Access the Power in You to Achieve Happiness and Success when we wrote that blog? Our theme of Live Authentic...Whatever It Takes! resonates with his belief that "It's the practice of listening to your inner voice," not the money that matters.

Russell says. "I think that all of us know that there's a source that connects all of us. You can call it God if you want, or whatever you call it, the idea is that there's a voice inside you. There's something that connects us all and when you're in touch with that, it allows you access to anything in the universe."

Our hearts feel heavy for all that has recently happened. The Imus situation has been handled, with the impact of his toxic rhetoric publicized for all to see, and for him to feel through an inperson meeing with Coach Vivian Stringer and the Rutgers' women's basketball team. Those who supported him in the past said, "No more!" and we got to see up close and personal that sometimes there are consequences of such rhetoric that diminishes others. Unfortunately, people are not yet connecting the dots between the poisonous rhetoric of Imus and that of Dobson. While Imus lost his career, Dr. Dobson continues to receive a national media platform to bolster his toxic rhetoric. There is a stigma to being both racist and heterosexist. There is no stigma to being homophobic and heterosexist. The killings at Virginia Tech were abhorrent, but are over, though the impact of them will continue forever. That more deaths in Iraq continue to happen daily seems like there is no end in sight to a senseless war.

What lessons are we learning? What lessons are you learning? We must each search our hearts for understanding.

That's it for this blog. We will catch up more tomorrow.

May you seek peace through love, leaving fear behind...Dotti & Roby